The reality is that the biggest influence on your life and how your life turns out is the partner you choose in life. If you look back at all your relations you have had you will see that the dynamics of each relationship is different, and how your life was with each of them was different.
We have are not taught or given guidance (in western culture at least) on how to choose a partner or taught what is important. Without any guidance we just make decisions based on how we feel without knowing what other factors to consider or even that we should consider them.
Because of that we have a very self centred society and culture, all about living in the moment and what amuses and appeals to me now. Someone that would make you laugh etc.
We choose a partner that we just like that appeals to us e.g. might have certain talents like can play the guitar, or an art painter, or a singer that appeals to us. Or someone charming, or the one with the hot body. People just can’t help it, its human nature.
Because of that women often reject a stable reliable partner in favour of the exciting “bad boy”, or men like the exciting “beautifully maintained woman”, or the wild “free spirited” woman.
The thing is the person that’s great to date is not necessarily the person you should marry. Heard the term “Not marriage material”? Yes that fun and exciting person may not be marriage material. That is do they have the qualities that make a good partner to live with? People give no thoughts as to what they would be like to live with. How would they function in everyday life.
So that businessman that travels all around the world may seem exciting, or that talented musician who plays great music seems great to be around. But how would you feel when he constantly travels and is never at home? Or can you see the musician doing something as mundane as taking out the garbage? How would you feel if he doesn’t? that job needs to be done so if he won’t do it then you will have to. How will you feel then? It might be a little for you but then together with so many other things on top that he won’t do then your little irritation will mount up until you can no longer tolerate it.
Will that talented and hot body pick up the kids or change a nappy? Or be able to or be inclined to deal with the other mundane stuff in life that is important like worry about and deal with bills. If they don’t then everything will end up falling onto you to do. You are then going to feel resentment, then all their talents and good looks would no longer make any difference and you will find that those attributes that you were once hot over no longer appeal to you.
If you marry a singer then that’s what you will get, someone that’s sings very well. Don’t expect that type of person that will be able to solve life’s problems for you, or even be able to do more everyday stuff like fixing the toilet or changing a car tyre. How will you feel when you get a flat tyre and your male partner is unwilling or unable to change it? You will have to then try to organize to have someone come and do that. Even aside from a flat tyre, what if the lawn needs to be mowed? Would your singer partner be willing to do that? Then how would you feel about your partner if it constantly falls to you to get things fixed or handle things yourself? The truth is you will get increasingly frustrated with your partner and lose respect for them.
Its very simple, if you want someone for a certain job then you will need to find someone that can do the job. If you want a partner for a certain purpose, in this case go through life with you then you need to choose one with the skills for that. In this case the skills and drive to deal with life, the curveballs that it throws and even to thrive in it.
Another thing is will they want the same things in life that you do? The initial dating stage was where you were just preoccupied with having fun and might find them funny and charming which is nice, life is not just fun and games. However once past that stage will you go the distance together if you want different things in life? They might be a drifter and want to go clubbing all the time while you get worried and want to achieve things in life and build a nest egg.
Very few people will think about this factor when choosing a partner but it is so important when you are living with someone, sharing a life, and live with them for years. And this is why people WILL marry the wrong partner. They just don’t think about how that person will do in everyday life and how it would work once your lives are completely integrated and shared.
About Miss Dragonfly – The Relationship Whisperer
You can catch Miss Dragonfly live on The Relationship Whisperer Show every Sunday at 5pm AEST on 2GLF 89.3fm, where we discuss all things relationships with the aim to Make Marriage Great Again!
Download a copy of my Book : Your Complete Partner absolutely FREE! from my website: https://makemarriagegreatagain.net/products/your-complete-partner-ebook-pdf-version
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