I was having a chat with a local radio station friend about a conversation of his wife heading overseas to find long-lost family and perhaps to escape her own. Everything I do is related to social connections, marriage, death (full disclosure I do both) and food. Working in kitchens from my youth has given me a huge connection to food, or better known as “bowl to belly”.
But I couldn’t imagine a world where this was turned upside down into a new option, “Paper container to belly”. The world now more than ever has more choices on takeaway than dining in the services industry, generating over $23 billion in revenue just in 2023, fed by the 8,120 takeaway food services in operation in New South Wales alone.
For me, food is easy – a little of that and a dash of this and before you know it, you’re comparing yourself to the delights of Nigella Lawson (once again, full disclosure: she is my up-late food porn go-to). But for others, well, food is a strange object that sits at the back of the shed alongside one of my unfavourite friends, The Lawn Mower. I find mowing in high heels a real struggle.
Although I know that it’s not just men that can struggle dealing with food cooking crisis, and it can be anyone as I don’t want to single out any particular sexual identity.
In this week’s notes, we explore the myth of impossible and recreate the possible through some basic Nanna recipes that explore Australian food with a few basic foods that mostly were stolen from other countries in the early 1900s. The simple concept that anyone can cook isn’t so easy; as a hospitality teacher for many years, I also know that “a cup” of something can resemble a “bucket” for others.
Getting Started
To keep it simple, I suggest a quick trip to the local Kmart to get yourself basics such as:
- Measuring spoons and cups
- Decent cooking bowls
- And in case you live in a tent, a refrigerator
While scales are an important culinary invention, they can also be a male sweat-creating, screaming and crying attachment, so best if we just try and use the cup basics first.
In my history of cooking and teaching cooking, I have always found that the family person who can’t cook claims, “I could burn water”, and that’s true. I would suggest that you get your ten-year-old child to show you how to turn on the oven safely. In all cases, just find the lighting switch if it’s gas and turn it to 180°C, or if it’s electric, a light will come on. If there is a fan button, choose that as well – it makes those starving children wait less for their dinner.
To get started – Find all the bits in your kitchen that you think are used for cooking. If you have doubts, there’s always Google Lens search to ask “What is this?”
Our First Cooking Class: Australian PEAZZA
I remember the first time I cooked this at school. It was one of the most basic recipes, and even if you do wreck it, it’s still edible. The best thing is it uses everything you have left over and resembles some sort of bygone era takeaway. When I came home to show my grandparents what I cooked, I explained it was Australian Pizza. But the words of a foreign word and a set of false teeth can sometimes be a challenge, so it became Peazza. From that day, once in a blue moon, it rises its weary head to clean out the junk from the pantry and the drag domestic housewife brings out the Peazza.
The Base
Just like a scone dough, only it can be crispy, buttery, soggy, or crumbly – it doesn’t matter, it’s done the way you expected it.
Ingredients:
- 2 Cups S/R Flour
- 125g Salted Butter
- 1 Cup Milk (or milk alternative)
- ¼ Teaspoon dried Oregano or Italian mix
- ¼ cup fresh parmesan (grated)
- Tomato Pizza Sauce or Bolognaise sauce
- Pizza Cheese
- Whatever’s in the cupboard, fridge or leftovers
Important Notes:
- Use Self-Raising Flour (it has to be self-raising, not plain – check the label)
- Fill the cups to the top (no cheating)
- For the butter, just roughly cut a 250g block in half – keep the other half for your morning toast
- The milk measurement uses the largest measuring cup, but be warned you may need more or less
- Use dried oregano or Italian mix if you have it
- If you don’t have parmesan cheese, leave it out, but only use the fresh one if it’s available
Method
The trick to mixing this dough is to try and keep it in the bowl and not necessarily down the front of you. Measure the flour, grated parmesan cheese and add your dried oregano or Italian seasoning mix into a largish bowl, then cut your butter into little slices or cubes and add them to the flour.
You have two choices from this point – Man V’s easy or hard:
- The easy way: Get your fingers and smash the butter by squashing the living out of it till it mixes with the flour
- The hard way: Use a food processor and pulse till it comes together
Then add your milk until it turns into a dough. If it becomes too sticky – add a little flour. If it’s too dry, add more milk. The best rule is to start with ½ the milk and mix and add little by little.
Once you have something that looks like dough, leave it for a minute and find a tray that fits in the oven. Use a flat tray with a little olive oil smeared on it or baking paper if you have it. This Peazza can be square, round, heart-shaped or even a sweet 16 depending on what trays you have in the cupboard.
Squash out your dough onto the tray – you can make smaller ones if you wish or just one large one; the choice is yours. Once that is done, you’re almost there, and who said you can’t cook?
The Toppings
The traditional Peazza starts with a tomato base – this can be either a pizza sauce pre-made or, when I was little, it was a mix of homemade chutney and tomato puree. The rest is up to you.
This is the part where your taste buds are in control. You can put anything you like on top of the Peazza – some great choices I’ve had include:
- Baked Beans and Mixed Baby Cheeses (Why not?)
- Tomato Base, Bacon, Fresh Tomato, Egg and Cheese
- Spinach Dip Base, mushrooms, halloumi cheese, dried tomatoes and parmesan
I suggest that if you’re using leftovers such as leftover BBQ Chicken, That Thai Stir-fry or Chicken Schnitzel, think about the base (Tomato, Sour Cream, Plain Cheese) and think about what cheese to use to hold it all down on top.
The Oven
The oven is your friend if you talk to it nicely. I suggest placing your Peazza in the middle of the oven, leave it for ten minutes, give it a turn and leave it for around another 15 minutes or until it looks brown on top. If in doubt, get a spatula and lift the bottom to make sure it’s not burning.
The Result
Let’s face it, you’re a long way off being the naked chef, but you can provide a healthy cheap dinner under an hour without applying hair rollers or watering the lawn. Give it a try and Good Luck! We’ll see you back in the kitchen soon for your next adventure, and who knows, you may have enjoyed the ride. If not, stick with it – you’ll be saving a fortune.
Sandy Barwick is the Drag Queen Entertainer and host of the Wednesday morning program “Get out of bed with Sandy and Glenn”. She is also a Wedding Celebrant (Allmylove.com.au), Funeral Director (Modernfunerals.com.au) and Independent Journalist (sandybottom.com.au).
